So I'm the worst blogger ever in the existence of all bloggers but I've got some news that I've been reluctant to share on the internet. Soon I will get back to my regular ranting and raving blogs, and even an update blog, but I feel like I needed to share some information about what I'm dealing with, and explain myself. So here I am, on my blog... I hope no one hates me, or thinks I'm stupid after this. If you do though, just know you're not the first. Try and be more original sheesh.
Now here comes the information I've been dreading to share. My entire life I've been enthralled with music... Something about it and being a part of it just gives me a great happy feeling. As some of you know, I love it so much that I've been planning a career in music therapy pretty much since I was twelve. It speaks to me, and it still does. The capability to help heal others while using the power of music is absolutely divine. Yet for some reason I feel my life heading somewhere else. When I made the choice to attend BYU Idaho, I didn't know why that was what my Heavenly Father was helping me lean towards. It didn't seem right, but it did. It didn't have music therapy, even though that was my career choice.. But for some reason I still felt the need to go there. My dream had always been ASU but that definitely wasn't where I needed to be. So I went with what I thought was the best option. I enrolled at BYU Idaho as basically a general music major. I took a lot of music classes these past two semesters... And let me tell you, I hated all but maybe two of them. (I can't believe I'm finally admitting that to myself) I did awful in all of them. I didn't want to be there and easy things that I've been doing all my life weren't coming so easily to me.. I didn't know what I was doing. On the other hand... (Brace yourself.. It's about to get weird) I was doing exceptional in my math and science classes. I loved them! This is really hard for me to post online, but I'm considering making a big change in my career path. Instead of being a music therapist, I want to become a Civil Engineer.
So I know that I haven't always been the brightest bulb in the box, but can people not change? This is something for me to figure out, something that I will work on with my Heavenly Father.
In the meantime, please don't put me down. I've been so afraid to post this because the majority of reactions are along the lines of "you can't do it."
Have you ever been told that you can't do it? Has someone ever implied that you simply are not smart enough or even good enough to follow your passion? Have you ever been told that you can't be a good parent and spouse while holding a job that challenges you to become better? I've been told all of these things within the last two months or so, and literally I've never been so heartbroken. Don't get me wrong I've felt support, from my dad, my cousin and her husband, and some random lady at a yogurt shop, and a few nods of "you could try I guess" but the good has been so little it's hard to feel like I can do it. So to those of you who simply don't think I will be able to do it, do me a favor and turn the other cheek. Instead of lecturing me on how I probably won't be able to do it because it's a lot of work, lecture that if I work extremely hard I could do it. So I don't want any "wow Id never thought YOU would want that" or snarky "good luck with that" comments. If that's what you're thinking. Keep it in your mind please.
Becoming a civil engineer feels so right. It seems to me that my Heavenly Father new exactly why I needed to be at BYU Idaho, where they don't have a music therapy program, but do have a top of the line Engineering program. I know that as I work hard in life my weaknesses will become my strengths. I have faith that if this is something Heavenly Father wants me to do that I can do it if I remain hard working and faithful. I wasn't put on this earth to do what I thought was best, I was put here to live my life as the person my Heavenly Father needs me to be. Every choice is so critical that I can not take this lightly. I hope that my loved ones won't take it lightly either.
If I haven't made it clear already, I am serious about this. And if it is a choice I make, I will pour one hundred percent of my effort into being the best civil engineer I can possibly be. I can't express to anyone how willing I am and wanting I am to pursue this. So if you really care about me, don't tell me I can't do it, encourage me to become a better me whether it's as a civil engineer or a music therapist. Encourage me to grow and learn no matter what.
